Am I broken?
I thought I was
Then you came along
And showed me the truth
The facts of the matter
The crux of the issue
Stuck in my head
Circling endlessly
This way and that
Treading so carefully
Tip-toeing along
Trepidatiously
A blinding light
A crash of drums
Sudden unexpected clarity
Understanding
Satisfaction
Relief
Moving forward
Eyes wide open
Mind still racing
Yet somehow calm
The cake is fully baked
The proof is in the eating
It’s a rocky road
It’s a twist of fate
It’s a gift from heaven
It’s a test of faith
It’s a whole lotta nothing
That means everything to me
Stare into the distance
Focused on a fixed point
The point is irrelevant
Feel my mind clearing
Feel the release
Let it go
Calm.
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010
Honesty; why is it so hard? That’s a more involved question than I have time to consider right now, but it arose out of a thought process that lead me to the following conclusion…
I have a habit of lying to myself, which is roughly as ridiculous as trying to look at myself with no reflective surface in sight.
It’s usually avoidance; lies of omission. I waste my energy by directing my focus and/or emotions towards a smaller component of the whole, ignoring the real problem, and that doesn’t help at all.
My current elephant in the room?
Jealousy.
Pointless…
Useless…
Somewhat pathetic…
Jealousy!
Thursday, April 22nd, 2010
It’s not, so I’m done with it now.
Moving on…
Last Thursday morning I went to the doctor’s surgery for the first time in many months to deliver some urine and blood. It was my first time back there since I decided to stop taking all of my prescribed drugs, and it was probably the first time in my entire life that I was there because it’s what I wanted, not because I had been dragged there or thought I should be there.
I want to know the state of my health. I can test my blood sugar levels, and I can check my blood pressure. I can’t check my thyroid, kidneys and liver. They can. So, this Wednesday I have an appointment at the hospital where I’ll get the results from these tests.
Continued…
I can’t do anything tomorrow, or next week, or next year; I can only do something now.
I’ve known this for a while, but only as a concept. What it actually means has taken some time to sink in, despite it being bleeding obvious!
Continued…